Being pregnant, for me was stressful. Since it took so long and so much for us to get pregnant I worried constantly about Gretta. I don't make progesterone so I worried about miscarrying, Marc's family has a serious heart condition so I worried about her heart...just everything. Now all you moms, try to contain your laughter, but I remember saying after a trip to the ER to check on Gretta, "I can't wait til this baby is here and I will finally be able to see if something is wrong and know how to take care of it." HA. Spoken like a true naive mother-to-be. Since giving birth I've learned that sometimes I wish she was back inside of me where she was safe and taken care of, that I usually have no idea how to calm the hurt or fix the problem or even what the problem is. Each helpless cry I hear from Gretta usually ends in a helpless cry from me, reminding me that something is wrong and I don't know how to make it better. I probably worry too much but how can I not? I look at this precious baby and wonder am I able to care for her every need? I am learning and I'm grateful that my "mother's intuition" is growing ever stronger and I'm starting to recognize my abilities as a mother a lot more readily. It's been a hard two weeks for me. Gretta got a rash that first started just on her face. I took her to the doctor and he told me it was nothing. My pediatrician was not in so I saw another one. See below photo.
But after a few days it got much worse, and started spreading down her whole body. She had been up all night crying (which she doesn't do. She is such a calm baby and rarely cries.) and I knew something hurt. I worried and decided to take her back in. Again my pediatrician was not in so I saw another pediatrician, different from the first one. Gretta had lost 3 oz. at this appointment which worried the doctor. He told me the rash was a virus. He said if she kept losing weight she'd have to be admitted and subject to all kinds of tests namely blood cultures , MRI's and a possible spinal tap! Gretta already spent one horrible day admitted in Primary Children's when she was 3 days old and all those terrifying memories came flooding back to me in a hurry.
So I went home worried sick, with an appointment set for five days later to check her weight. I worried all week. Alas, the day of the appointment came, (Saturday May 9th, my 24th birthday) and we took her back in. The pediatrician we saw was yet another pediatrician, still not my actual pediatrician. She took one look at Gretta and said, "she looks fine, why are you in here?" We weighed her and she had gained 5 oz. and she said her rash was a common skin problem in babies called Seborrhea and that it will clear up on its own in a few months. I felt relieved and yet, frustrated!! How could I see 3 doctors and get 3 varying diagnoses and 3 levels of concern?? i know this happens all the time which is why people get "a second opinion" but it makes a mothers job very hard, wondering which one to believe and which solution to take.
Thankfully, we're getting back to normal again. Gretta is back to her wonderful, calm self and the rash has definately improved. I don't know which doctor was right, but i guess in the end, all turned out well and thats all that matters.
On a happier note we got a fun picture that I call "speak up" and Marc dubbed the "do you hear what I hear" picture.
And a quick fun, short video of what our regular tummy time consists of. I hope someone made it to the end of this ranting post to enjoy the video.
